What if life didn’t give you a chance?  What if you weren’t even a speck in your mother’s eye?  You would be nothing.  Because you exist, you have the responsibility to survive, to grow, and to be yourself.  This is the key – so many people try to change to suit everyone around them.  If you can continuously be yourself, you have a weapon – a strength and solidity – that many others do not have.  From this rock, you are strong enough to defeat your most persistant and resilient opponents.  Death itself even seems distant on the horizon.  However, what is infinitely more important is the fact that you have the ability to let certain things past your defenses and to take in their influence.  You can then apply yourself – all that you know – to these influences and have the wisdom to decide what will effectively change you and what will not.  This process is the single most effective way to learn from experience.  It is your responsibility to take your time here on Earth and systematically improve your own life through these experiences.  This is the meaning of existence. 

I would like to take a little time to salute all of the men and women in uniform who’ve given their lives for us and our country.  A salute to those who returned to us with broken bodies and minds in return for their service. A salute for the men and women in uniform who now serve to preserve the freedoms of our land. A heartfelt thanks to you men and women. I also want to thank the family and friends of those who have fallen. I pray that you will find consolation in your loss. For your loss is our gain. I want to thank the family and friends of those whose loved ones returned but whose lives are shattered. No amount of compensation can restore that which was taken. I pray that you receive strength and the support that a grateful nation should give. Last but not least, I thank the family and friends of those who are currently serving. I pray that you receive peace and the safe return of your loved ones.

To my fellow countrymen, let us reflect on the sacrifice these men and women have laid on the altar of freedom and to the debt that we owe them. Let us not forget our responsibilities to our communities and each other, which was paid in blood and tears.

I know nothing about what we found here – never at home and never sinscere.
A twisted rollercoaster of hate and love, piercing the sky and dancing on the clouds above.
Does life always pride itself with the confusion it brings?  Are we left here with tears and the way our head rings?
You had a bad day, you say?  I just don’t understand it.  You do not move, but you want to fly more than you’ll admit.
Life doesn’t wait for us to make up our minds.  Like a mountain stream, through our head it winds.
And on and on with the cost of death but a heartbeat away.  False hope when he comes to get us and only you will stay.
What did it mean?  What did it mean when you screamed at the rocky cliff?
Like all your life revolved around that face of stone.  Nothing could stop you, yet the choice was all your own.
And on and on with the cost of death but a heartbeat away.  False hope when he comes to get us and only you will stay.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you.  Find the song of angels.  Determine what is true.
All our hate and all our pain will fade in forgotten time.  Love and peace will flow some day, like the words in a poetic rhyme.

Chapter 9
I feel the rain starting to approach. It always come when you dont expect it, and when you
believe that it finally may pass. The ground will begin to shake, spliting the earth benith you
feet. And you will fall. This is how it will happen every single time. You just have to prepare
as much as you can when the sun is out.

Im wondering now about all these things ive learned in the past several months. It is the idea
that im beings built up to only being knocked back down. C’est la vie? I hope not. This idea
depresses me and makes me stagnant. And once again im faced with the question that ive
never been able to answer.

This hurts my heart and crushes my spirit. Why does this happen? Am i blind or do i see to
much? Im tired of this feeling. When you try to let go, the poison will turn your mind to black.
I feel a strange but familiar feeling coming over me. That staring at the patterns on the wall
feeling. Numb. This is today, im affraid.

Dark Side Of The Soul (2001)
In an endless bliss of confusion and grief
Voices bicker i cant find my relief
A dizzy haze overwhelms my sight
I lower my chin and gather my fright
These voices these sounds that chill my skin
A blast of insanity i raise my grin
STOP TALKIN STOP TALKING i shout with rage
All goes dark and i wake in a cage
Strapped to a board i find myself
And a man to question my mental health
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU i say in my mind
His mouth begins to chater and my teeth begin to grind
Take me away my angel of light
Take me away protect me through the night
But in my mind i know you arnt there
Even to my angel im just a scare
The pity i can prove that sets me off
I could cut her throat and shake it off
Were not friends not anymore
A smile only left and revenge in store
Look in my eyes and youll see the sad
Thoughts forced a smile from the frown i had
So angry i quiver so mad i shake
Lets bottle this misery and see what i make
I HATE THIS I HATE THIS i want to scream
To the top of my lungs to show what i mean
“i cant cry” im allready dead
“take me away” as i hang my head
Empty empty is the heart of mine
Only God can help me save me this time
Im tired of living this life of pain
I torture myself to grow insane
I cant love and think to much
I gind my teeth and numb to the touch
Because its love that makes the heart feel
And im empty inside cold as steel
Love care and feeling i always run
Thinking back so much pain it makes me numb
Will not reveal will not share
Life is shitty and love isnt fair
So no more pity and not more light
As i take on my mind in an endless fight
My future is grim i can see
Thats what i choose thats for me
You now see me for what i really am
To the love you offered and still i ran
All alone and torturing another soul
The sin of all sins has taken its toll
The tears that are bottled masking the pain
To the love of that person her only gain
“whats so wrong with me” she sais in screams
But her mouth stays shut and lives it in her dreams
“suck it up be a man” he sais
“and allow to love like the good Lord sais”
Or forever you mind will prevent all love
A feeling youve never felt it had to of come from above
“im sorry im sorry” but this is just me
thats my life its what i choose its for me
Then the feeling of love will never overcome your soul
That pity in your heart will grow to an endless hole
“your right your right the insane man will go”
ill be back after she sais no

Nyalic, Here is the song Mad World from the soundtrack to Donnie Darco. I’ve also inlcuded the lyrics.

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces,
Worn out places,
Worn out faces;

Bright and early for the daily races,
Going nowhere, going nowhere;
The tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression, no expression;

Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow, no tomorrow;

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I ‘ve ever had;
I find it hard to tell you;
I find it hard to take;
When people running circles its a very, very – mad world, mad world;

Children waiting for the day they feel good;
Happy birthday, happy birthday;
And I feel the way that every child should,
Sit and listen, sit and listen;

Went to school and I was very nervous;
No one knew me, no one knew me;
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson,
He looked right through me, ‘looked right through me;

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had;
I find it hard to tell you;
I find hard to take;
When people runnin’ circles its a very, very – mad world, mad world;

Enlarge on your world;

Mad world…

Chapter 8
I feel like ive been living in a prison, these past 10 years. Thats half my life. In a prison that ive
made, tailor made, for myself. Built strong to hold me in. Walls made of stone that keep me
secluded from the world. I feel safe here, i know how to live here, i can survive here. But
sometimes you have to wonder what is outside these walls. Its what im affraid of the most.
The walls of this appartment keep me safe, and i feel that is all i need. Possesions, they feel
empty to me. I cant even imagine, even having a little money, going to a store and saying
“ide like that” and you buy it. So forein. “whats this life for?”.

I can imagine myself in a forest, miles away from anything civilized. Living a life i want to live.
I cant live among your concrete jungles, it changes a person. They lose touch of what they
were once all about. You become calased, to the feelings of those around you. I cant allow
myself to turn into that. Slowly the idea of more money becomes your ultimate goal. I dont
really have an income, at all. Besides of what is givin to me. Is that strange to you? How does
that make YOU feel. What questions would you have?

I dont think i want to learn to survive like you all do. It feels empty to me. I dont know why.
I just feel like i dont belong here. Those that know me best know where to find me.

Ben, I believe this is the photo you have been attempting to upload. There is white space attached to the image above it and also to the right, so it made it difficult to see the resizing box because the image was inserted into the post so large. Let me know if you have anymore questions, or if you want me to do anything else with the image