The uncertainty has me terrified.
Eyes of the world keep me inadequate and scrutinized.
A place I don’t think I can survive.
I must make home where I am afraid and others don’t understand,
the more I try to help realize, the more I sink in the sand.
Setting camp on what is known as the Cursed Land.
My hands are reaching for the tools that every man must obtain,
But held back by the sickness that i cannot explain.
Doomed to a life, a place, from where i may not return.
Waving my arms but raises no concern.
A life of misery i have to live and learn.

All my plants are dead now, leaving a crimson shadow of ther once briliance.
My wilted, once beautiful, roses as dry as dust.
What is happening here…
Why wont the sun shine like it used to?
No clear light to feed them, no water to quinch thier dying thurst.
Everyone is gone.
In This Place visitors are the demonic ghosts of my dearest friends and the darkness thats never left unfelt.
Starving of an appetite i can never fill, Here, my thurst can never be satisfied.
Forever is Here, in This Place is Hell.

No one can come with me to where I must go. A place black as coal and cold as ice. To wrap my mind in anxiety and sorrow. And to leave this place full of stimulation and reaction. To a cocoon custom made for me. When the mind gets no better and no worse.

Sacrifice all happiness for no more pain. Sacrifice yourself to feel a little numb. Take on every worry and every sad thought. Remember every painful memory all at once. And slip away into the darkness where you can’t be seen. You can’t be seen and you can’t be touched. The world doesn’t exist and you choose not to acknowledge.

All the pain can’t match the joy I allow myself to feel. Stored all inside the actions I worshiped are killing me now. So different inside the show I portray out. The way my heart feels is the exact opposite to the face you remember. I’m hurting more than myself by feeling this way. So goodbye for now to a journey that begins far, far away.

~ May, 2007

Something tells me there’s something wrong in my life. When I have images of standing in blood with my favorite knife. When the sun never rises to offer a new day. With hidden thoughts that I dare not to say. When I wake up and I don’t care to rise from bed. Would the world worsen if I were dead?

Because I have nothing to share for ALL my pain. I have nothing to give to all those who depend on me. I reform to act out the thoughts that race through my brain. When I could swear I had wings to fly away with to be free.

I thought I could take any quest that came my way. Now my defense is so shattered, at any chance I run away. I say that my wall is too damn tall to climb. But demons influence evil through me all the time. Then again happiness doesn’t come from just who you may be. Take a chance, make a risk, you’ll find out, you will see.

~ Summer, 2007

This.. isn’t one of my favorite literary ideas, nor is it something i think could, or would, make a good book…. It’s just something I’ve thought up, and intent to follow through on…

Kids… Thats all we were then. Before all the dissapearances…the killing. The six of us had never known each-other, except me and my little brother… But If I could go back and change a bit of it, I never would. We grew so much through that, we became a true family…We learned that ” United We Stand, Divided We Fall ” wasn’t just something you read on a shirt. We were young, yeah…but we were together..we were strong.. and no matter what happened, we would never forget each-other.

That struck me as something you would read on the cover of some romance novel though..but I dont really want to change it…

It’s true what they say, isn’t it? That bad things happen to good people? All it takes is a mere moment of reflection for anyone with even an ounce of observance to know that such a statement is true… Yes, bad things seem to almost compliment the good people of the world, searching for innocence and disrupting the quiet of it, turning it into burning hatred, or dark suspision… Pushing people to kill, or to abandon…Some say that death is a bad thing… But you really must ask yourself, Is it really so bad? Does death not free you from the bonds of the world? Yes, these questions need to be asked, but there is no true answer, and such questions are made forfeit to the world’s brutality…

Why must I write such things?  I’m not sure… but I know them to be true to myself, and I know them to make sense to me, and is that not what truly matters? that you know and understand what is truly within each of us?

Food for thought, people….D-Ty

( Just ranting, that was…. not sure why..)

My kiwi doesn’t want to die
But he must, if he wants to make the world happy
Surrounded by his jealous peachy relatives
He skips and plays among the fruit
Until at random a cherry appears
Stopping the kiwi at once with its tears
Until the knife cuts right through his skin
Multiple times, until he is sliced thin
The cheers from the crowd are louder than the screams of the kiwi being pushed into the pie mix-I push once and the kiwi bites me, and rallies the ranks of its sweet army.
Set to destroy me, the kiwi puts itself together
And pokes my eye out with a twizzler, a black one that tastes of broccoli. I open the fridge and an army of garlicky breadsticks parachute from the top shelf using leaves of lettuce screaming obscenities at the pill covered floor.

I swear I was half high when I wrote this XD

Randomnes writing is what I do best, I think ^_^

All around me, I find my influence,
Of all these things, I try to make sense,
Even in a perfect picture, of the perfect dawn,
It remains inside me, that which drives me on,
Never a complaint, nor the harshest scolding,
Could open my eyes to what my hands were holding,
And while I search for whom I want to be,
This self-realization has set me free.

This… Is my first attempt at a song… and was written at a rather.. difficult time.  But I figured, what the heck, might as well show it to the rest of the world… or, at least, you guys ^_^ Enjoy..

Come To Stay

Verse 1
Why does every day out here
Seem so freakin long to me?
Is it cuz I have no life,
Have no friends, no family?
Why can’t I admit im scared of letting someone close to me?
I think it s my insecurity.

Chorus 1
All alone, all alone out here
Nothing but me and my endless tears
Let your feelings fall away
Come to heaven come to stay

Verse 2
The devils closing in on me
Grinning yellow, rotted teeth
Standing there with open arms
Me succumbing to his charms
I turn to run but he’s still here
Whispering softly into my ear

Chorus 2
You’re all alone, all alone out here
Nothing but you and you’re endless tears
Let you’re feelings fall away
Come with me, child,
Come to stay

Verse 3
I have lots of friends down here
Long forgotten is my trail of tears
But I still here you call my name
And I yearn to see your face again
But I can’t leave here, here im strong
I wish to god you had come along

Chorus 3
Not alone anymore out here
But you’re the glisten in my tears
I may not have a beating heart
But you’ve been with me from the start
Just let your feelings lead the way
Come to me, love
Come to stay

trapped in a box made of your taunts
suffocating in impossible wants
my lungs are full of a burning fire
for you, a smoking desire
hazy visions fill my head
my ears ringing with everything you ever said
eyes burning with every tear you ever brought
you were the one that i sought
but nothing like i had thought
in your eyes i can see the mirrors
the reflection of every flaw appears
vivid and bright
shining in your light
outlined in red
every horrible thing i ever said
every one of my imperfections
turned out to be my destruction
i’m banging on the walls
dodging every horrid call
screaming for an escape
trying to undo this mistake
but with every step forward
i’m two steps backward
i can’t reach the old you
i can’t reach the old me
the love that was true
or who we used to be
my heart’s exploding with every need
each and every emotion screaming to be freed
screaming out for your fading shadow
begging and pleading for you not to go
still trapped in your taunts
i’m drowning in the wants
wrapped tightly in the misery
that seems to have a love for me
breathing your name
crying for everything to be the same
your smile running through my head
and from my ears spilling every word you said
every word unspoken
eating at a heart that’s broken
every cuel word echoing throughout my body
gripping at me
and choking me
i can’t break out of your hold
no matter what i’m told
i loved you
and i know you loved me too
our hearts are bound by bloody tears
tears that will never break despite the years
i am yours
and you are mine
even if all i see is your fading outline

Yeah… sorry… i seem to have gone on a posting spree XD ))

The frozen waves of this concrete sea
Bear me so softly away from you—
Separate, unchanging, this gentle
Broken line of dirt and rock,
Sand and stone and

How I wish we could be together!
How pointless it all seems,
This pain, this separation.
With each rise, each fall,
Each wave,

Each breath I take,
The distance grows,
You’re a little farther away,
And when will I find you
Again? Tell me—

Why does this
Frozen sea seem to move
So swiftly? How will you
Remember me, once I am
Gone? Or

Will you simply slip back into
Dreams of shattered nights
And twilight, waking
Memories of days you’ve
Yet to spend? If I come

Back to you with
Years between us, will you still
Be the same? Will I fall into
Your sweet electric embrace
The same old way? Or

Will I find that
You and I have become
Disjointed, awkward, and
In the end we’ll split apart
And go

Our own ways?
But that cannot be—
For there is no path that,
In the end, does not lead
Back to you.