It is that (dark) and much more. Like everything about you is turned off. Your abilities to do the most simple tasks seems impossible. We have all probobly felt a degree of this kind of helplessness before. I think of this and wonder how the hell I ever crawled out of that muck, in This Place where you feel there cant possibly be anyone else in Here i was never alone.

It sounds like the place you are describing must be left behind or at least somewhat seperated from you – you from it – in order to move on. Would you say that is true?

Also, I have moved this from “General” category to “Writing”. Thanks for writing, Nyalic!

Instead, we must find who WE are, what WE want, and how to go about life according to our wishes. The lessons you speak of – pain and darkness, hatred and then death – are all part of the path. I truly believe they are an absolutely essential part, which not only cannot be missed, but also cannot be misunderstood. If you fail, it won’t be within the situation itself, but within your own mind and failing to understand your own position.

The people who understand this, who honestly and thoroughly grasp it, succeed in pushing onward the boundaries within which they operate daily. In other words, they may live more fully.

I know that there was some soul searching going on around the time this was written and you highlight some of the methods here. The roller-coaster can make you feel numb, but it’s our reaction to it that forces both blindness and numbness to feel permanent. That is, if we don’t watch our attitudes. I am reminded of a paragraph from Charles Swindol that I keep on my wall here at work titled “Attitude”. It makes a world of difference.

The last two sentences show that you made a decision not to let the above course of action permanently guide you. I see it as a way to push back from the numbness and seek out another way.